Memories that will last forever!

Greetings once more, Gentile readers! ITMA!
It has been a real doozey of a day, today folks! We have had over a thousand passengers again, (second day in a row!) on the way to Grand Bahama! There have been safety meetings, (A subject we take very seriously, and my red nose and large shoes have to be left firmly at the door!) there have been issues to deal with, and there has been paper work coming out of my Ah, there’s my coffee!

A great deal of passengers means a great deal of passenger activity, and we had to send two coaches on the beach and shopping tour today, which meant I had to send another team member along, because we promise a team member to look after them on their coach. The shame is, I was going to go along today (I wanted to get my self a conch salad, a local delicacy) but because we had so many to disembark, I couldn’t go along. Sometimes, it is such a hard life! I had to go onto the lido deck instead and enjoy a nice cold Capri Sun in the hot Bahamian sunshine. Sitting in the sunshine, I started to reflect upon what we still had to do in the up coming days.

On New Years Day and on the 3rd of the month, we have Weddings on board. This is a real cool event that we have been doing on the Discovery Sun for the best part of a year now. I don’t do a lot in the ceremony, just sort out the music and blast the ships horn at the end. (On my last ship, imagine my surprise when the first wedding party came on board, and I was told I had to be beside the Captain, and had a participating role in the ceremony! Yikes! Mind you I have attended quite a few weddings…in a principle position…and I have heard the words more than most!) Discovery Sun can, if you wish, supply an officiate, and the whole thing can be taken care off right here on board! I am particularly looking forward to the ceremony on New years day, as it is taking place at 06.30, but don’t worry gentile readers, I will be prompt and not suffering from any ill effects of the night before, as I am not drinking any more. I’m not drinking any less, but I am not drinking any more! No, I will be honest, when I was younger I would mix my drinks, but now the grape soda and the Capri suns are always on different nights! I do have a feeling that New Years Eve will be a “got milk?” kind of night! Early mornings! Don’t you just love them? Then, after the wedding, they will head for a champagne breakfast in the Grand Bahama Grill, our posh restaurant! (Oh, just as an aside, for those who don’t know, posh stands for Port Out, Starboard Home, which is the way the upper classes traveled to and from India, back in the days of the empire! British, not Roman!)

The day promises to be a day full of memories for the happy couple. And I know they will talk about the photo’s, the cake, the romantic setting, the happy, smiling face of the officiate, but I know that secretly, the happiest memory will be the one of the deft fingers that sounded that Ships Horn!

Oops, I think I am starting to peel. Man, this December sunshine!

‘Till next time,
Rick

Ninety nine Red Balloons!

Greetings, gentile readers. ITMA!
Well now that the Big Day is out of the way for yet another year, (Man, they go past so fast, it doesn’t seem like yesterday that I was getting my Secret Sam spy attaché case!) it is time to get ready for the Big Night! New years Eve is approaching with an amazing rapidity, and once again the excitement is building in the passengers, this time it seems to be the adults that are feeling anticipatory!

During the travel talk to day the excitement over spilled as a local cheerleader group all shook their pompoms at me…every one of them members of the “Over Eighties Rah-Rah For Miami!” club! I don’t know what on earth they were wearing under their uniforms, but man, it needed ironing!

New Year resolutions are another major consideration of course, past one’s for me have included giving up Butter beans, and to stop dancing with suitcases strapped to my feet. This year, my resolution is to try to have a better balanced diet. Now when I eat bacon sandwiches, I’ll have one in both hands!

Once again, the rambler in me seems to be making a determined effort to come forth, so I shall try to beat it down and concentrate at the matter in hand. Our noisemakers, hats and balloons are here, (The joy!) and now I am just waiting for the helium, still, to fill the balloons. Otherwise, I will have some very unhappy, and winded, team members. When I was a young entertainer at holiday villages around my home country, we had to blow up loads of balloons every Friday, and have them in a balloon net, ready to cascade down at the end of the night amongst grateful holiday makers, who then destroyed an hours work in about 30 seconds by stamping on them all while all the time giggling like school girls!
So the fact that they are helium filled these days serves two purposes, One, the team members of this day and age don’t have to sit for hours blowing up balloons manually, and Two, because all the balloons are on the ceiling, there will be no Passenger balloon popping! We are going to go on a cruise to nowhere, just into international waters so that means when we return, there will be no Homeland Security protocols to go through, which will be just as well, as I think there will be some very relaxed people, probably with balloons tied to their wrists, New Year hats askew, tie’s undone and high heels in hand! (And that will be just be the guys!) This New Year’s celebrations look to be some of the best out of the twenty-one (A-Hem!) I have attended; I will let you all know how they went on Jan 1st! I’ll bet you can hardly wait!
‘Till next time,
Rick.

It drives you around the bend!

G’Day, mates! ITMA!

I enjoy driving. I enjoy driving a lot, maybe because I don’t get to do much due to the fact I am always on a ship, but when I am home, I love to drive! I drive fast on the motorway, (69 miles an hour officer, honestly) I have a comfortable car and I spend quite a bit of time in it when I am at home. More gadgets and gizmos than you can shake a stick at. Sat Nav, DVD player, blue tooth attachment for my phone you name it, it is in there. The car itself has been electronically limited to around 170 miles an hour and has a Low jack system fitted. “What has all this to do with your day in the Bahamas,” I can almost hear you cry, as with one voice! “Are you trying to sell us your car?” No, gentle reader, I am not trying to sell my car, but I just want to convey how much I enjoy driving! A lot. So when I got the opportunity to take part in the Bahamas Jeep Safari, I jumped at the chance!

This may not be for the faint of heart, but it is a real blast! First of all, as the Bahamas was once under British rule, ( Rule Britania, Britiana rules the waves!) all the driving is done on the Left, in jeeps with left hand drives. It makes overtaking very interesting, especially as a lot of the drivers from the US cannot seem to get their head around driving on the correct side of the road. There is nothing quite so terrifying as seeing a car heading right for you , while the driver of the other vehicle is convinced it is you that is the wrong! It makes life…interesting! You do need to be over 25 if you are driving, and because of my youthful demeanor, they did need to see my license! Once the uncontrollable laughter at my photo had subsided, (to be fair, the photo is from my days as a magician, complete with pony tail and moustache!) I was taken to my Jeep, and introduced to my victims, sorry passengers! One of them I recognized from my kayak tour the other day. Apparently, her arms were still feeling a bit sore. For some reason I can’t fathom, our Kayak was harder to maneuver than any of the others. I don’t know what she was on about I’m afraid. I was asleep in the back of our shared Kayak for most of the way back!
I opted for the Stick shift rather than the Automatic, which for some reason filled my passengers with some kind of apprehension, but I quickly assured them by telling them I always drive a stick, but I thought it best not to mention that the stick is usually on my left instead of my right!

We set off in convoy and we soon recognize Taino beach, a name that you will remember from an earlier Blog, and then leaping from the water at Sanctuary Bay, the dolphins come into view. I tried to see my dolphin friend, also from an earlier Blog, but I couldn’t tell which was which. Do you know, I haven’t had a call, an email or even a letter from that Dolphin! Nothing. Talk about Kiss and Run. Huh!

We had a break, and our guide, Randolph, had a chat with us about some local history and the story about Freeport’s founder, Jebidiah Springfield. Sorry, sorry I got confused he was called Wallace Groves, and he had a very interesting life.

Then came the off road bit. “Hold on tight!” I thought to my self, though in retrospect, maybe I should have given voice to my thoughts, as the convoy hurtled through the forest on its way to Gold Rock beach. Once there, I changed into my swim shorts and enjoyed lunch, as well as a well-deserved Capri Sun. I was very thirsty. I stood tall, knowing as I removed my Ray-Bans, that my driving skills were indeed a topic of conversation. I as walked past the group, slowly of course so they could all admire my manly physique, (Adele says I have TWICE the body of Brad Pitt! Hang on a minute; I have just realized she is calling me Fat!) On my way back, I had different passengers. I smiled at them all and asked why I had the pleasure of their company on the way back. “We drew straws,” one of them said. “And you won?” I asked. “No” came the firm, unsmiling, reply. “No, we didn’t”

Ah well, never mind. Time to go back. “Atomic batteries to power. Turbo’s to speed…Roger, ready to move out! Ye-hah!”

‘Till next time
Rick

Up at the Kayak of dawn!

Good day to each and every one of you! ITMA. And a happy St. Stephen’s Day! Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, ‘tis the feast of Stephen, as immortalized by
Good King Wencelas as he looked out! King Wencelas was the king of Bohemia, which I think sounds enough like Bahama to make sense. The weather is poles apart though. The only thing that is Deep and Crisp and Even were the Chicken wings that I enjoyed at lunch during the Kayak tour that I took part in today!

Last time I went Kayaking, (or canoeing as it was known when I was a mere slip of a boy!) I was about 14 years old in the middle of the summer in a magical place called Lake Windermere. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Lake District, (as this areas is known!) you should imagine a Sun-Drenched area of the United Kingdom filled with lakes of various sizes, filled with water so warm and clear that they can only be compared to a Swedish hot tub! So, there I was, a 14 years old boy, grasping my newly acquired “Canoeing Charge” qualification, (I had just graduated that day!) and taking out two novices. (For those of you who were never in the Sea Cadets, this seems like a VERY big deal at the time!) Up the river we went, and long story very short, I should never had qualified that day. The whole experience left me never wanting to go up any creek again, especially without a paddle! It was a very painful experience. (For full details of this painful experience, please write your email address on the back of a $10.00 bill, send it in, and I’ll get back to you!) Any way, back to my day here in the present! Fortunately, the Guide had much more experience than 14-year-old Rick did, and the whole experience was very enjoyable. I sat in the back of the kayak, hoping that if the going got too tough, I could just coast. I know, I know, a bit mean, especially as I had been paired up with a 13 year old child, but she had much younger arms than me! Any way, there was no need to worry, ‘cos the going was very easy. Easy enough for me to have the memories of that long ago day to come flooding back and to look impressive, at least to my eyes, in any case. Although I suppose I should have warned my Kayak partner that I was going to see if I could remember how to do an “Eskimo Roll.” Who wears a designer shirt to go kayaking anyway? We Kayaked for about ninety minuets, (it is amazing how much sleep you can get in the back of those things! Must look in to buying a tandem when I get home) then we stopped for lunch at Gold Beach, and I thought I had better ring home. After all, I was sure Adele was waiting to hear what a great time I was having on the beach on Boxing Day! Turns out, she wasn’t that impressed. Something to do with the boiler picking the most inconvenient time to pack up, the car refusing to start, yet again, and her Mom having imbibed to much of the Christmas spirit and not being able to navigate her Broomstick safely to pick her up. So, she had to load our dog, (a ten stone (140 pounds) Rottie called Dolly-Mixture) and all the boxes that she wanted to take with her to the Gingerbread house, into a taxi and struggle through the cold and ice. So as you can imagine, me chuntering on about how, now that I had re-discovered my love for all things aquatic, that I thought our next vacation should be on a rapid strewn river, fell upon deaf ears! She said something about hoping that I enjoy myself and to make sure I put on an appropriate amount of sunscreen. At least that is what I chose to think she would have said if the signal hadn’t been suddenly lost. Must have been all those trees, I guess. I definitely heard her say something about sticking my sunscreen somewhere before the signal went. At the end of the tour, which included a really nice walk, and talk, through the National park and caves, the transport took everyone back to their hotels. I went to have a couple of Capri Suns; I was very thirsty after shouting out instructions to my Kayak mate, (“Paddle harder! Paddle harder!” things like that!) and then back to work. Lot of passengers going back to night, so the show should be a blast!
‘Till next time,Rick

The Big Day! The Big Day! Yahoo!

Hello everybody, and may I be the first to wish you all a very Happy Easter! Nothing like getting greetings in early!

Ok, so, what is Christmas day like on the Discovery Sun? Well, we had a lot of Round Trip Passengers today, people who decided to spend Christmas on a cruise to paradise.

A souvenir photo is produced on board from when our passengers come on board. Of course, when Scud…(that is my Nickname for Adele’s Mom, short for Scud missile…you know she is coming, but there is nothing you can do about it, you know what I mean?) came on board, it was noticed that she is a bit large. She is, in fact so large; they had to take her souvenir photo via Satellite!

Once on board, up went the gangway, and we were off! Sailing the ocean blue, slipping out of Ft. Lauderdale just after 08.00. the sea was calm and we made great time. One of my team members was a bit late for his duty at the Deck party as he had to dress up as (Warning, remove all children from this page at this time, until advised otherwise!) Santa. He then made his way to Club Discovery, (Children’ club) and spread cheer, good will and of course gifts to all the little angels that were waiting for him. There were screams of delight and a general rush towards the big man. There were a few tears, but I told him to pull himself together and remember they were only children; they weren’t going to hurt him! (Children my now safely return!) After Kriss Kringle had put in his appearance, then it was back to the festivities! The deck party games got a Christmas feel to them by the simple adding of Christmas to the name of the game, i.e. “…here we go with the Miss Discovery Christmas competition…” Very effective.

Also, a lot of people were traveling with us today to spend a week in Grand Bahama, and they were all so excited they could not sit still for virtually the whole trip, looking forward as they were to beach parties, Snorkeling adventures, Kayaking tours and of course just the realization that they were going to be relaxing in one of the most beautiful places on earth. When they disembarked, they were all ready in the holiday zone. That is one of the best things about using the Discovery Sun to start your vacation; we help start it that little bit earlier! The worst thing I find about vacations is some times the pressure to ensure everything is perfect makes the actual vacation hard to live up to. Using the Discovery Sun as a buffer, really helps people relax, and forget to be tense about flights, hotels etc.! It eases you in to a vacation mood, and when you arrive at your destination, you have already started to enjoy your well-deserved break without even realizing it. And on the way back, we continue the feeling of contentment with another relaxing cruise, which includes, amongst other things, dinner and a show! How can you miss?

So, all in all, Christmas on the Discovery Sun much the same as any where else as far as excitement goes, Gifts, Santa, glorious anticipation, but without the drama! No food to prepare, no worry about washing the dishes, all the hassle removed. It is Christmas . 1
I for one am glad that I experienced it.
‘Till next time,
Rick
P.S. Happy Holidays!

Bright Light City

Viva Las Vegas! This place is slots of fun! I went to the Casino today, and what a fantastic time I had! The Casino in Port Lucaya is a great deal of fun, and a great place to spend an afternoon. When I was a cabaret act back in my long distant youth, I had a spot in the main room of a long gone casino in Vegas. I will always remember the room they gave me in the hotel had a mirror on the ceiling over the bed. I found it amusing at first, but when I woke up in the morning I was terrified to see what I thought was an overweight, naked skydiver heading towards me!

But once again, the rambler in me tries to take over! Back to this casino. When you enter, the first thing that strikes you is the size of the place, and the noise! There are so many slot machines! So many! There are banks and banks of them, each and every one of them twinkling invitingly. I decided to augment my wages by investing $5.00 in one of the machines, surely it wouldn’t be hard to quickly turn that into a few hundred, after all I had just seen an ageing octogenarian complete with walker and a tub full of quarters work those machines like she was taking candy from a small child that didn’t really like the candy anyway because it was something minty that smelled of almonds. I faced the machines, and that was my first dilemma. Where was the arm that I had to pull? What on earth were all these lights for? Bank, why do I want to put my money in the bank? I want my money out of the big slot at the bottom! A slot for notes? Are you kidding me? In less time than it takes to say Nudge, my $5.00 dollars had gone. As I walked away, I heard a wavery voice mutter “Smuck!” and I turned to see my octogenarian place a single quarter into MY machine, manipulate the buttons and dials with her knarled fingers and with a deft flick of her walker, she turned towards me, smiled and waited for the massive payout to stop it’s “ka-ching, ka-ching.” She handed me a five spot with a wink “It’s all in the waiting, honey!” she said, as she disappeared, admittedly at slow speed, toward the next bank of machines where disappointed people were leaving!

Feeling thirsty, I headed to the refreshment area, where the server asked me if I would like the specialty of the house. “And what would that be, young lady?” I enquired. “A Martini” was the reply, “but they are quite expensive” “Well!” I thought, “I have back my $5.00 dollars, hang the expense! “No matter the expense, my dear, a Martini it is, two olives, if you please” “It is going to be $2000.00” “Whaaaat? How about if I just have the one olive?” ‘Still $2000.00, I’m afraid” “You’re afraid? I’m terrified!” Yes, gentle reader, you read right! Allow me to spell it out, just so there is no confusion,
TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS! Just how thirsty would you have to be?

And so, grasping my Capri Sun, (complete with 3 olives, score one for me, the house does not always win, thank you!) I headed for the tables. There are around eight tables in the casino ranging from craps to roulette to three-card poker to black jack and all other manor of games. After watching for a while, my now diminished funds burning a hole in my pocket, I decided not to partake, as the money that was changing hands both ways made my remaining $1.25 look a bit silly. So I decided to continue my bag ’o drink outside. A quick quarter in a machine on my way out, the lights flashed, the dials span and you know what? My octogenarian was right! It IS all in the waiting! Unfortunately, I’m still waiting!
‘Till next time,
Rick

Where are the Golden Rings? "Fiiive Goat-Skin Drums!"

Well, well, well, what to do today? I think I shall take a trip to the Bahamas, always nice at this time of year!
Coming as I do from a country of colder climes, I always find it quite strange to be confronted with Christmas decorations whilst in temperatures up in the 70’s (not the years, Fahrenheit!) But the Island to day was as sunny as the passenger’s disposition! And the Christmas spirit was everywhere. (You have never heard “The Twelve Days of Christmas” until you have heard the Bahamian version!) I think what makes it weird is there is no adaptation for whatever country you are in when the Christmas period is upon us. If you are in Germany, for instance, Santa has a different name (Nicklaus) but he still wears a big Red furry suit. The same suit is in evidence throughout all of the European counties I have ever spent Christmas in, and here’s the thing, one of the hottest countries I have ever spent Christmas was Singapore, and there in the mall, was Santa, in his full suit, sweating his Santa’s little helpers off! There is absolutely no compromise dependent upon on location of the celebration! If Christmas is celebrated, then it is celebrated to the full extent! Trees, tinsel, ornaments, Christmas wreaths, holly, Mistletoe, the whole nine yards! And, as I say, a bit weird looking out of the window and seeing Palm Trees decorated for the season. Not weird bad…just weird! And here on the Island, some people go as far as to use fake snow in the windows. Fake snow in the windows! This from a population of people, the majority of who have never even seen snow! Fantastic. Even the cards all have a winter theme to them. Snowmen, Robins, Sleighs etc. The food stuffs seem to be very similar also, Turkey, stuffing, potatoes, but no sprouts! Sprouts seem to be the one thing that is peculiar to my own homeland! I was on a ship once where the chief didn’t prepare sprouts for the Big day, and one lady complained that she didn’t have any thing to leave on her plate, and it ruined her day!
Even I have allocated the big suit to a team member, and gifts will be distributed on board by Santa in very hot conditions, but you know what? No matter where in the world I am, the reaction to the suit is the same. It doesn’t mater how good or bad the beard set is. It doesn’t even matter how short or long the arms or legs are. And no one really cares about the gift they get. Next time you take a kid see Santa; watch their eyes…they are enthralled. So Christmas day here on board the Discovery Sun is set to be very traditional, Santa, Christmas dinner, crackers etc. The only thing missing will be my own Christmas Elf, and I will see her quite soon. Oh and her Mom, the Spirit of Christmas Pudding- Round with a prickly topping!
‘Till next time,
Rick